I‘m not so presumptuous that I think I can write a single blog post encompassing everything about sex and astrology, but I can begin to address it. We tend to to think of sex as mostly belonging to the 5th house of fun and pleasure and the 8th house of life, sex, death, and regeneration, and also the 7th house, the house of partnerships.
However, sex, like all things vital to the human experience, is encompassed in every house. We use our looks (1st house) to attract partners. We use our personal assets (2nd house) to get them to pay attention to us. We use our speech (3rd house) to make a connection. We want them to be comfortable with us on a basic level (4th house), and we want to have fun (5th house). We want to use our bodies (6th house) to have a partnership (7th house) that makes an intimate connection (8th house) that transcends and creates experiences (9th house). We want our sexual connections to reflect who we are in the world (10th house) and social values and connections (11th house) and ultimately, help us deal with the parts of us we keep hidden (12th house). There is no one sex house, though there is one house that does have a primary focus on it.
A couple months ago, we were in torts and we were discussing at what ages youths can be held to assume adult responsibility, and for what activities. One of them was motorboating. At first, I didn‘t realize why everyone else was giggling, and then…oh yeah. Hee hee. Well, the instructor asked one young man at what age motorboating would be appropriate, and he turned beet red. It was then that I started laughing, as he stuttered his way through the answer. Later, in the elevator, some of my young classmates were incredulous that our instructor didn‘t know what motorboating meant in youthful parlance. I know what it means. However, I didn‘t see it as unusual that our instructor didn‘t know, seeing as how no one actually wants to be motorboated, and most people don‘t know of fleeting sexual jokes that serve no purpose in the bedroom.
One of the things I have learned is that the less euphemisms people know for sexual behavior, the more sex they actually have. There‘s just no need to continue to make taboo what is now quite natural to you.
One of the great mysteries about sex is that the older you get and therefore the less sexually attractive you supposedly are, the better you actually are at it. This mystery is definitely within the realm of the 8th house, as it deals with transformation. They say an older woman is like fine wine: both get better with age. The process of winemaking is also within the realm of the 8th house (drinking it is in the 12th). There are many layers to sex — most of them self-imposed or societal, or both — and at the core of it, at the very heart of it, is a very simple thing that is purely intimate.
The 5th house deals with pleasure, and there is pleasure in orgasm, but also in the playfulness of sex and intimacy. There is gratification in being admired and desired, which falls into the realm of the 5th house. No matter how many partners you have, each experience will be different, and even if you are not flexible or experienced, you will change a little. The 5th house is where we exit from the places that make us insecure (4th house) and find a way to lighten the mood. Sex, sexual tension, sexual intimacy, etc., is hilarious. And sometimes, unintentionally. Take that funny guy, the one who is always making jokes and making the girls laugh, but never having sex with them. Always willing to join in with the girls, but never getting naked with them. He‘s the safe guy. He is making pleasure with them, just not sexually. He hasn‘t gotten to the 6th, 7th, and 8th house expression of sex. He is stuck in the 5th house of fun.
Humans are not the only animals that have sex for pleasure; actually, most mammals do. It would be quite selfish to assume that because human sexuality has, or seems to require, more interpersonal pomp than the sex of other species of mammal, that it is more pleasurable, or that it is pleasurable because we know that we do it when out of estrus. We would then have to assume that animals find no pleasure in eating, or sleeping, or petting or playing.
What does the 6th house have to do with sex? Health and the state of the body have a lot to do with it. While the biggest erogenous zone may be the mind, the body has something to do with it, too. A tired, hungry, and sick body isn‘t a sexually turned-on body. The human body doesn‘t go into a state of sexual desire when it is not physically capable of the energy expenditure or the risk of making a child in a world that, as far as the body knows, isn‘t conducive to breeding. The 6th house also has to do with stratified relationships. While the 7th house deals with equal partnerships, the 6th house deals with unequal ones.
Sex is not always an equal endeavor. Deep Throat was a fantasy; no woman has her G-spot at the back of her throat. Oral sex, especially when not reciprocated in the moment, is definitely a 6th house thing, and not solely because it is related to eating. There is service involved in good sex. In good sex, the other person enjoys it too. There is a big difference between a sexual partner going through the motions to get the other physically ready for sex and a partner that enjoys turning the other on. The 6th house deals with details and learning to work with them; this attention to details is important when being intimate with a person who has their own likes and dislikes. There is problem-solving in sex. Some problems may be too great to overcome, but rarely, I think, does an aroused person simply give up when there is a slight obstacle, get dressed and turn on the television. There are also times in which you simply do something for someone else because you know they will enjoy it and you expect nothing in return. Ideally, you get something in return later on, but a pure 6th house expression offers sex solely in the interest of the other person.
And this is actually where a person gets good at sex. One doesn‘t think that their partner is good at sex because the partner is good at meeting his or her own needs. Anyone can do that. You get good at sex by meeting the needs of another person.
Yes, you could go to an extreme and be like Michelle Duggar, who bends over for Jim Bob even when she has no interest in his wiener, with a distorted idea that sex is largely for the male partner. However, I am hard pressed to think that this woman has no sexual desire of her own: at the very least, it must be quite pleasurable to be desired, and in a world so obsessed with sex and purity, those moments of tasting the ambrosia must be so delicious in an otherwise non-sensual world.
The 7th house has to do with equal partnerships. It can include marriage or other intimate partnerships, but it need not. This can also include flings in which both partners are looking for sex with no strings attached, or one-night stands, or friends with benefits, so long as there is some exclusivity of this relationship in some manner. Sexually, it need not be the only partnership, but within the partnership, there is some exclusivity in that you two are the only two in the bedrooms. (if you want to discuss group sex, go to the 11th house). This is where the give and take of the 6th house creates the gestalt of equality. This is where you also have a relationship outside of coitus. This is where you sit across from each other at dinner, or chat in bed about whatever, or where you plan to meet next, or where you cuddle. However, as this is a generally public house, it is not for clandestine relationships, though in a single chart, it can indicate where there might be issues with fidelity for that partner. It can, however, show whether or not a person is into exclusive relationships.
We tend to want partners who have what we lack. Even if a partner is abusive and criticizes that thing the other partner has that they lack, they still sought out that person. When the two people come together, they create a whole.
And the partnership need not be a romantic one, though for most folks it often is.
And when there is a whole, stripped down, without pretense, engaged in the act of sex, you get to the 8th house, which we tend to associate with sexual intimacy. During sex, we are vulnerable. We are focused on one particular, intense feeling to the detriment of others (if you have ever gotten a charley horse during sex only to release it as you came down, you know what I mean).
But the 8th house need not be sexual intimacy with a partner. Even though we tend to think of masturbation as being a 5th house endeavor, it is within the realm of the 8th house. This is where we go into our fantasies, where we search the corners of our minds. During sexual arousal, the things that would normally disgust us don‘t disgust us as much. Seriously: when you‘re aroused, it is less of an issue to get someone else‘s sexual fluids on you than when you‘re sitting on the bus or having breakfast. Or even when you‘re asleep in the same bed with them. Granted, some of us just aren‘t germophobic (I sit on public toilet seats and have used my boyfriend‘s toothbrush before, and I know the 5-second rule is not an issue for fatty or salty foods), but everyone has a limit when it comes to others fluids, or the behavior we find acceptable, or what we are willing to do with other people. Sexual fantasies are freedom from our inhibitions, and masturbation is often an exploration of that. It is where we partner with the part of ourselves we may ignore in the rest of our lives.
And now, I will get in bed with my partner and attempt to get a little sleep before class. To sleep happily and soundly next to another, even without sex, is an intimacy all its own. And no, he has never tried to motorboat me. Or probably any woman for that matter. He is not my first. I am not his. I am probably not even his 100th. But we sleep well, and dreamily.