If you want to marry, or to pair off for life, but are not sure what you want, do these things before you look at the Moon, Venus, or Mars:

First, look at your sun by sign and house placement. The right person for you will not get in your way. Thus, a person who has their sun in hard aspect to your sun (not including the conjunction) will make it very hard for you to be you and pursue those things that are meaningful to you. Your sun tells what you want in life above all things. Sagittarius wants freedom. Cancer wants security. Aries wants to be number one. Gemini wants activity. Leo wants attention. Scorpio wants intimacy. Aquarius wants to change the world. Taurus wants to take it easy. Virgo wants perfection. Pisces wants to be one with the universe. Capricorn wants to be immortal. Libra wants to share. Where is the sun? The first house just has to be me. The second house likes nice things. The third house wants to talk. The fourth house wants to keep house. The fifth house wants to have fun. The 6th house wants to work. The 7th house wants to agree. The 8th house wants to fuck. The 9th house wants to learn. The 10th house wants to succeed. The 11th house wants to commune. The 12th house wants to dissolve.

Second, look for someone who has planets in the same houses that you do. It doesn‘t matter as much the sign. Sign and element placement is important, but to emphasize this is to think that the initial meeting is all there is to relationships. This is where synastry goes wrong. When you have a hemispheric and especially a quadrant emphasis, you need someone who can relate to you well. Someone with emphasis in the 8th/9th/and 10th houses but with different signs will get along with someone else with the same quadrant emphasis but different signs. Sure, there may be conflict elsewhere, but someone with a 1st quadrant emphasis isn‘t going to be able to live with someone with a 3rd quadrant emphasis because their views and actions will be at odds. Someone with a 4th quadrant emphasis is better suited to someone with a 4th, 3rd or 1st quadrant emphasis, in that order, for example. Someone with a 1st quadrant emphasis is better suited to someone with a 1st, 2nd, or 4th quadrant emphasis, in that order.

If you have a 9th house emphasis, for example, you are better off finding someone who has just as much interest in higher learning, law, travel, or religion as you do, even if they don‘t follow the same path. Otherwise, the other person will hold you back because you will not grow together, and the sun is about growing into the person you should be. Can you two grow together? On that note….

Third, make sure this person is as smart as you are. Often, you know this right away, but what may seem clever may actually be glibness and/or a very narrow realm of expertise. What is the nature of your Mercury, and what about theirs? How about Uranus, too? Uranus is brilliance for that which is not already obvious, that which is not conventional, that which is out there waiting to be discovered. Mercury is intelligence readily communicated. Some people are smart and are good at communicating this, and some are smart and not good at communicating this, and some are not so smart but can fool people, and some are not so smart and don‘t fool anyone. Before you become blinded by love, your hopes, and your ideals, take intelligence into consideration. Couples with gross differences in intelligence are couples with power issues. Intelligence can be the same or it can complement, but it should not be vastly different. Where this occurs, there are great differences in power, despite issues with money or social status. The less intelligent partner is a liability to the other one, and the smarter partner mentally abandons the other one, or one party sets out to prove that they‘re are smarter than the partner, either through outright abuse or manipulation.

Check Mercury by house, sign, and aspect. Check Uranus by house and aspect. Are these planets in similar quadrants or the same axis? (signs are secondary, as are aspects). If it doesn‘t work on paper, it won‘t work in real life. When the romance is gone and you need your little puppy to do things like earn a living, balance a checkbook, or handle a dinner party conversation, how cute they remain depends on how stressed out you are.

*Education attainment is not the same as intelligence. This is a social status factor.*

Fourth, check Saturn. If you are a strongly Saturnian person, find someone else with a strong Saturn. Aspects to Saturn matter a lot in synastry, and reciprocity is important here, because having similar aspects to Saturn between charts is more likely to bring out the good in Saturn. Saturn is responsibility and learning through experience, and those who live like this can‘t readily relate to people who have a charmed life. Saturn deals with respect. Can you respect each other? A Saturnian person respects someone who has experienced a lot; a non-Saturnian tends to respect people who keep things light and don‘t dwell on harsh realities. Interpersonal Saturn problems mean an imbalance in priorities and how to go about making them happen. Again, check houses and quadrant emphasis.

Fifth, check Jupiter. Jupiter is abundance, love, and philosophy. People with conflicting philosophies and ethics don’t do well together. A person who don’t have a strong Jupiter won’t get along with someone with a strong Jupiter. Jupiter is also luck, and the ability to trust fate. Aspects to Jupiter don’t matter as much as respective house placements and emphasis (unless you have conjunctions). Interpersonal Jupiter problems show different risk tolerances and less ability to agree on things.

Sixth, look at your 12th house. Whatever is there will bite you in the ass. Planets, points, etc., in the 12th house are things that are apparent to everyone but you. These things are your folly, your downfall, but also, the gifts you take for granted…which can be your downfall. A 12th house having or ruled by Uranus, for example, makes you a weirdo but you don‘t know why. Even other weirdos seem to not be ostracized, so why you? What is the ruler of your 12th house doing? What is the ruler of the partner‘s 12th house doing? Does your partner have a planet or point that ends up in your 12th house? Often, people who find themselves falling in love/lust against better judgment or reason tend to find that someone‘s Venus is in their 12th house, not conjunct the ascendant. When someone has a planet or point that is in your 12th house, they either secretly fortify or drain you, depending on the planet and conditions of it. They may also be the scapegoat or receive undue blame for your actions. Does what show up in your 12th house conflict with something in the partner‘s chart and visa versa?

Tip: when trying to decide whether or not to use traditional rulerships or modern ones in synastry, I suggest using traditional ones for interpersonal relationships first. The outer planets relate to and rule things that are bigger than interpersonal relationships. Scorpio in a long-standing relationship may act more Martian than Plutonian, and Pisces more Jupiterian than Neptunian, and Aquarius more Saturnian than Uranian. The outer planets can have affect in synastry, but they relate to things brought from the outside world and the cosmic into the relationship.

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Photo courtesy of Chidioc.