Here is a list of quick and dirty astrology tips for reading charts:

Libra rising folks can be snakes in the grass. This is especially so if they have Scorpio planets in the 12th house, because they deny that energy that can be destructive. They tend to put on the kind, gentle, congenial face everyone likes, denying their dark side, but may attack people in covert ways and then act like the victim, because they really, really work hard at selling themselves as nice people.

Sagittarians are known for putting their foot in their mouths. They very much understand social convention; they just ignore it as just another idea. To Sagittarius, Whatever can be seen or perceived is fair game for conversation. The flip side is that they often perceive themselves that way, too, and will discuss things others may find private or taboo.

Leo Moons tend to want to be in the spotlight, but if afflicted, are so afraid of criticism and humiliation that they tend to seek out places where they are comfortable and not challenged. They are prone to richest-guy-in-the-trailer-park syndrome.

People with planets in the 6th house, especially if also in Virgo, tend to be natural MacGuyvers who can solve practical problems with what is on hand. They tend to like to cook, sew, mend, clean, and make repairs themselves.

One of the ways to get over Venus/Saturn hard aspects is to pair up with someone who also has a hard Venus/Saturn aspect with at least one of those planets conjunct the other. It could be the first time for either of them that they really fall in love.

If someone’s sun is in your 12th house, they could be a secret enemy, but also, be the cause of some undoing in your life. However, it only seems like undoing to you; whatever is undone was meant to be, and the writing was probably on the wall for a long time.

People with significant planets in the 8th house are smarter than they appear to be, and as they age, they show and express more of their intelligence.

Trines are great for bringing people together, but sextiles actually make relationships last because it requires some effort and bring inspiration, but too many sextiles without significant stronger aspects won’t get off the ground. Fire and fire makes a bigger fire, air and air makes a bigger gust of air, earth and earth makes a bigger mound of earth, and water and water makes a bigger body of water. However, fire makes air move faster, and air feeds fire. Earth cradles and supports water, while water moves and shapes earth. HOWEVER: staying power doesn’t always mean happiness. A lot of sextiles in synastry can be like spending your last dollar in a crane machine because you can’t let go of the idea of that stupid fucking stuffed animal continuously just barely making your grasp. In the moment, it feels right, but in retrospect, you want to kick yourself for falling for the sunken cost fallacy.

The person you really cannot stand often has planets and/or luminaries inconjunct (150 degrees) from your sun. While square aspects can create at least respect, inconjuncts involve different elements and modes.

A T-square is kind of like a witching rod: the apex planet is used to determine what is hidden, and used to find the missing thing in the empty sign across from it. So, if you have Venus as the apex of a T-square and it is in Sagittarius, you may use your charm to get witty conversation or be connected through conversation in Gemini. If in Capricorn, you may use your charm and looks to get nurturing and emotional support in Cancer.

Capricorn rising people don‘t always look dour. Many of them look elfin.

People who look a lot like their rising sign tend to have an angular chart ruler (the planet ruling the ascendant). Planets in the first house will tend to have influence on how a person‘s eyes look as well as their hair color.

Wherever Saturn is is where you were deprived in a previous life. Look to the ruler of Saturn to see where in that life you were deprived.

The South Node tends to describe our tendencies as children. It is not surprising that people change so dramatically as adults and are happy for it, if they cleave to the lessons of their North Node in this life. Planets conjunct the North Node make it almost impossible not to go in that direction, while planets conjunct the South Node make it very difficult to stray.

Aspects between the sun and moon indicate how the native perceives the relationship between the mother and the father, at least in early life, not how they as parents received the child, and not how the child related to the parents:

– Trines mean that the person perceived their parents as happily together.

– Conjunctions mean that one parent outshined the other (the new moon is dark), or that one parents‘ life took precedence over the other‘s or over the marriage itself, though keeping up appearances.

– Squares mean that the parents fought or were at odds but there was some relation there.

– Sextiles mean that the parents worked together well, even if they didn‘t seem like the happiest or best-paired couple.

– Inconjuncts usually mean they resented and loathed each other or dragged each other down.

– Oppositions means that the parents probably could never get their shit together, or lived as roommates.

People who have natal Venus trine natal Mars tend to enjoy vanilla sex unless they have some serious activity in the 8th house, but even then, may prefer fantasies to be fantasies.

People who have no aspects between Venus and Mars have a difficult time connecting love and sex and may more easily be able to divorce their sex life from their love life.

Planets on the Aries Points (0 degrees of Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) cannot be hidden, and this is especially true if in the 1st, 4th, 7th, and 10th houses. These people will be in the spotlight, or under a microscope, because they must express these planets and often do so without realizing it. If a chart has a planet on an Aries Point, it must be considered to be of priority.

On that note, people born during a void-of-course moon may have a strong need to be alone and reflect, often at inopportune times, like at social events. They tend to let go of attachments easier than others. Some of them have a strong feeling about the dark: they are either terrified of it well into adulthood or really enjoy it.

Chiron indicates where you can give very good advice, but like Alice in Wonderland, hardly ever take it. People with Chiron in the 2nd house, for example, make good personal coaches but are wracked with feelings of low self-worth.

Uranus well-placed and emphasis on Aquarius is often cited as meaning that one has an aptitude for astrology, but it is more complex than that. Sagittarius is a visionary who can read the stars for signs. Pisces is psychic, and Neptune allows one to read symbols well. However, those who are good at analysis, as seen with a Virgo emphasis, can interpret symbolism well and put it into plain language.

Jupiter in the 6th house is a foodie. This person has a terrible time dieting because they actually truly enjoy food, of all types, which can make them overweight. They cannot diet and lose weight under conventional practices. Whereas obesity can often be caused by selective food intake of only calorie-rich foods and eaten for reasons other than nourishment, Jupiter in the 6th house really likes everything about gastronomy and the culinary arts. It is not that they eat an entire Dominos pizza, but that they make an arugula and asiago cheese pizza at home and it is so good, they eat the whole thing while drinking a carefully selected wine. This is the person at the buffet who must try a little bit of everything and can eat beyond the point of fullness simply because it is enjoyable. On the other hand, if they study nutrition and craft their own diet, can see success.

Saturn in the 7th house doesn‘t deny love outright, though it can seem that way for decades. It tells the person to wait and learn, and what is learned is self-love. When that is achieved, the person is finally ready to fall in love, and a dutiful partner they will make.

A person with Saturn in the 5th house either doesn‘t want to have children, can‘t have children, raises someone else‘s kids without knowing it. If they do have children, they may be resentful of them, cold and distant, or uncomfortable with showing them any affection. On the other hand, they can treat the child like a precious jewel that they are fortunate to have and become over-protective. It is also possible that they leave, through death or abandonment, when the children are young.

A person with a 1st house Saturn may seem responsible and mature. This is not always true, especially if afflicted. They may be very good at projecting maturity, but may be quite irresponsible in youth and disappoint people. It is also possible that a 1st house Saturn person feels that his or her identity is denied in youth and fights in life to be seen as original.

Cancers can have hair-trigger tempers when they feel attacked or trapped and use their anger to get people to comply.

Leos think that it‘s impressive that they‘re Leos.

Scorpios either embrace being Scorpios as a badge of honor or apologetically.

Pisces use being Pisces as an excuse for being Piscean.

Sagittarians don‘t really care about being Sagittarian.

Capricorns feel sorry for themselves for being Capricorn.

Virgos spend much of their life trying to convince themselves that they are actually Leos or Libras and use their Virgoean powers of analysis to come up with reasons why.

Libras care about being Libras when it matters to someone else.

Aquarius makes fun of being Aquarius.

Aries warn people that they are Aries.

Taurus doesn‘t want you to talk about astrology.

Gemini is fascinated with astrology. He or she hasn‘t gotten any further than knowing a few things about the sun signs, but that doesn‘t stop him or her for gabbing about it for hours.

Cancer wants to know why you want to know what their sign is.

In youth, most people will express their ascendant, because this is how their family and early environment sees them. As they age, they will become more like their sun, and as they go into old age, will return to being more like their ascendant when they no longer wish to be out in the world.

The 12th house tells you something about a person‘s bed, their sleep habits, and the types of dreams they have.

Things people say to astrologers that annoy astrologers:

At a social event:

Them: Can you read my chart? You: yes. Them: ::stares blankly::. You: I need your birth date, birth time, and location of birth. I have to create a chart and analyze that. Them: Why do you need all of that? You know I‘m a Leo.

Them: How can the relative position of the constellations at a given time mean that a person fits into one of 12 categories? You: It‘s way more complex than that. Also, I don‘t use a sidereal zodiac. Them: But you‘re not answering my question. You: I just did. I‘m agreeing with you that the constellations are relative and highly subjective interpretations of seasons of life, and thus I use a tropical zodiac. Every chart is unique with all of the planets in different places, as well as other mathematical points. Them: Okay, but how can wherever the sun is in a constellation put a person in one of twelve categories when people are more complex than that? You: Go have another beer.

Them: Do you do psychic readings? Can you read my palm? What‘s in my future? You: For you, I see immediate alienation from this conversation.

Them: The Bible says astrology is evil. You: you should read the part about the three astrologers who used the stars to predict the birth of Jesus and meet him. – AND – okay, where is that? Them: it says divination and witchcraft are evil. You: but not astrology, right? Them: It‘s the same thing. You: So, the three wise men from the Orient used evil witchcraft to predict the birth of Jesus and to find him in a stable in a foreign country? Them: That‘s different. They were doing God‘s work. You: Okay, well me too.

Them: How come my horoscope is rarely ever accurate? You: because it‘s not written for you. Them: But shouldn‘t it tell me the truth, shouldn‘t it have some sort of special message for me? You: If you were talking about the television right now instead of a newspaper horoscope, people would think you‘re schizophrenic.

Them: Science proves that astrology isn‘t real. You: Science also proves God to not be real. Now you can sleep in on Sundays and I can take up gardening.

Them: How can you be an atheist and an astrologer? You: Pretty easily. Them: But how could you believe in astrology and not God? Do you worship the stars or something? You: I worship nothing. Them: But how can you be devoted to something that it supposed to reveal the secret workings of the universe and not believe in an intelligent designer of some sort? You: I just don‘t. Them: But doesn‘t that make you hypocritical? You: I don‘t think you actually know what that word means.

Them: Wow…so I bet you get up to some really freaky things. You: I bet you do too, but at least there is no pictorial evidence of such on my Facebook page. ::OR:: You don‘t know the half of it.

Them: …I was thinking maybe you could do a session for me for free. You: I was thinking that maybe you could paint my house for free. Them: But it has to be so easy for you to do it. How much time would it take? You: A couple hours…and fifteen years of study.

Them: So are you doing this just to be different? You: Yes, exactly. At my age, I still constantly worried that people will see me as a basic bitch, so fifteen years ago, I started doing a hobby that pretty much alienated me from most people except for a million astrologers all around the world today.

Them: I was born on August 30, on the cusp of Leo, so I‘m a Virgo/Leo mix. You: That‘s not the cusp. You‘re a Virgo. Them: But it‘s pretty close. You: But no cigar. Trust me, you want to be a Virgo if you intend on going to into the convent.

Them: I don‘t need someone to tell me who I am or where I‘m going in life, not for that price. You: I agree. ‘Nobody‘ and ‘nowhere‘ is a lot of beer money.

Them: Hey I just met this guy/girl. I want to know if we‘re compatible before we go any further. You: Hm. I suggest you try talking to them.

Them: Why aren‘t astrologers all millionaires if they‘re so good at predicting things? You: There is more to life than money and finance, two things you clearly don‘t know much about.

Them: Why do people always go crazy on the full moon? You: Because you actually live amongst werewolves. Like in a horror movie.

::When you show someone their astrological chart:: Them: What the hell are all those things? I just wanted to see my chart. You: This is your chart. Them: But what is all this stuff? Where is the part that says I‘m a Leo? You: The anus part. Them: There‘s an anus part? You: …sure there is.

Them: What careers are best for ( their astrological sign)? You: (rattle off a few normally associated with that sign. Them: I don‘t like those. You: Then off to the mines for you!

Them: Where did you go for school for that? You: I‘m self-taught. Them: How? You: With books, websites, and talking to other astrologers. Them: There‘s books for that? And websites? You: Yes. Them: Who the hell would read that? You: By the way, your chart reads that you suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Them: No, I would never do that. That‘s wrong, all wrong. I never gossip. I never snap at people. You: Okay. Them: You‘re wrong about me. This is bullshit. I‘m going to tell everyone you‘re full of shit. I hate you!

Them: One of my uncles is drug addict. Can you see that in my chart? You: In your chart, no. Them: I thought you could tell me things about myself.

::Analyzing a chart and taking a long pause when you see something you don‘t want to say aloud:: Them: Oh what? Too complex for you? You: No. It‘s just… Them: You don‘t know. You: So, your girlfriend hasn‘t given you her ATM pin number, I hope?

Them: I‘ve talked to five different astrologers and they said five different things. You: Did you ask five different questions? Them: Yeah, but…

Onward!

Planets in the first house and eyebrows:

Pluto: tends to give thick eyebrows.

Saturn: tends to give sparse eyebrows.

Mercury: tends to make the face more youthful, childlike, a little goofy at times.

Venus: gives fine eyebrows of good shape

Mars: gives a reddish hair of coarse texture, sometimes invisible eyebrows or a scar along the eyebrow line.

Neptune: invisible eyebrows. Look for obviously shaped eyebrows that don‘t quite match or the kind that seem to disappear into the hairline.

Uranus: the eyebrows may be totally natural but may not look right on the body.

Moon: tends to give straight eyebrows.

Sun: arched eyebrows

Colors for the signs:

Aries: black and white, bright red

Taurus: green, pink

Gemini: yellow, light green

Cancer: silver, cream

Leo: orange, gold

Virgo: navy, gray

Libra: baby blue, lavender

Scorpio: black, magenta

Sagittarius: indigo, violet

Capricorn: dark green, brown

Aquarius: electric blue, bright white

Pisces: aqua, purple