Saturn is the silver linings planet, and I will always be kinder to Saturn in that sense, because I have a lot of Saturn influence in my chart. Not such a bad thing, though. People who don’t have a lot of Saturn influence in their charts tend to just coast through life unto death, meaning nothing, doing nothing, being nothing.

It’s not bad to have your mettle tested.

Saturn does three things: tests, gives consolation prizes, and boomerangs back. It is a planet of karma. And when I write that it gives consolation prizes, I don’t mean that these are second-rate or gag gifts. Sometimes — perhaps much of the time — they’re way better than what you thought you wanted. And the boomerang doesn’t always come back to you. Either you catch, or it hits you, or it hits someone else.

My winter break from school is almost over. Wasn’t much of a break, even though I didn’t have to go to classes. My partner is now temporarily disabled, so in mid-November, around the time Saturn started passing over my natal Neptune and chart ruler, I found out, quite suddenly, that in order to make ends meet that month and the next, I had to find another $2000 out of nowhere in four weeks, legally and ethically.

I got the money, legally and ethically. No loans, no family, no gifts. Just hustling and working, on top of trying to finish law school for the semester. Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, I was resentful. I had so many plans for this break — finish my book, redo my website, start another side business, catching up on Game of Thrones — and instead, I was simply trying to keep a roof over our heads, the bills paid, and food on the table. Of course, this is how most of America lives, and I knew there was an end in sight, even if it didn’t feel that way.

And now I feel guilty for taking it easy just before law school. Of course, looking back, I didn’t have the funds to do the things I wanted even if I had the time, so I just chilled and hoped nothing would happen in the future. In my partner is the grasshopper, and I am the ant.  Perhaps next semester will be the time to really put something of my own out there. Right now, I work for five different entrepreneurs while trying to find inspiration to do my own thing.

And yes, I am still in law school, but my hopes and dreams are a secret. No one in law school need know what I have up my sleeve, as if they would care.

Outside of law school, I’m a 37 year old woman with experience, insight, and capabilities. In law school, I’m treated like a precocious child. I’m claustrophobic, and there is nowhere to relax at our school. I need my breaks from law school because not being in law school helps me be who I am and remember what is actually important. Yes, law school is important, but it is not fortifying for the soul, and that is what I need to carve out time for, because I am lucky enough to not be K-JD and really know what it is like to have an identity forged from something other than college and law school.

But I learned something. I learned that when called to action, I can do what I have to do to make things happen. I can take on a lot, and when things need to get done, I can do it all by myself. I can also wait if I have to do it. I can do it sober. I can do it from start to finish. I can do it again if I must.

Now, I’m just waiting for the boomerang to come around so I can catch it.

What so many seem to miss about Saturn transits: what you learn, if you try, is what you can do all by yourself, and what bricks it can become and what mortar to you can make to fix them together. No one need remind you that you are powerful if you can prove it.

Saturn will be in Sagittarius for three years, from the end of December in 2014, to mid-December in 2017. For me, this spans just about my entire law school career. Saturn will make a transit to my natal sun, natal Neptune and chart ruler, and Midheaven. It will exist Sagittarius in December of 2017 and conjunct my natal Venus in Capricorn. Saturn is now transiting my chart ruler and Midheaven.

Saturn in Sagittarius curtails the carefree nature of this sign. It makes it slow down and rely on hard work rather than luck. It makes it confront responsibility. Sagittarius doesn’t like responsibility, at least not responsibility that it doesn’t specifically choose. For example, Sagittarius can sign a contract and hold up its end. It will not let deviations roll of its back. A deviation of the agreement makes it null; but Saturn in Sagittarius makes Sagittarius stick around. The silver lining? Learning to stay…sort of. There is no reward is learning to stay when you get bent over a barrel. That’s just plain stupid. What Sagittarius is supposed to learn is how to use it to its advantage, to advance its dreams of being free by figuring out how what it needs to do — what it needs to tie up or let go — in order to be free.

When Saturn transits your natal Sun, who you want to be is what is tested. You may get what you wish for, but you also have to take on the responsibility of being who you are. The old you is a shoe that is too small, and you may make some serious changes to your life. You may end relationships that are just too small a fit, especially ones that require you to be more responsible than you should be.

When it transits your natal Neptune, your illusions and idealism are tested. You may lose your religion or develop a new one. You may not be hopeful. You may also lose your ability to escape from reality, so now you have no choice but to confront it. It will no longer work to simply put your head in the sand and hope the scary things go away. You have to face them. Now, you can take what you imagine or perceive psychically (Neptune) and make it real. This is a time where faking it to make it can actually work if you stay the course and don’t give up. You learn that success relies heavily on people thinking you’re successful. Conversely, sabotage may be the order of the day. But you learn that you are free to create the image you want.

When Saturn transits your Midheaven, your career goals and ambitions are tested. You have to slow down and focus. You have to deal with disappointment. People may actually get in your way, and some may even discourage you. You have to deal with authority figures. If you have never trusted authority figures, you may have to learn how to do it now. You may also have to win their favor or respect. Or, you may have to seriously become an authority figure yourself and find out what it’s like.

Saturn transits are themselves some of the worst times one can have. If you look back on some of the worsts you have had, Saturn is probably making a major transit in your chart. However, there is always a corresponding silver lining. Then, either at the time years later (usually about seven years later, but sometimes fourteen) there is a boomerang that you catch, you are hit with, or that hits someone else.

We all have free will, but everything we do is connected. I don’t think karma is so simplistic, or that there is some sort of cosmic balance the universe attempts to maintain. We, as people, need the world to seem orderly and just. This is why we invent gods. We all reap what we sow, but karma isn’t a bitch. It isn’t even a thing. People choose a path and keep going that way until they hit a dead end or a sinkhole. We all think we’re justified in what we do. We also don’t see things they same way. There is really no universal right or wrong. In some circumstances, given certain facts, one thing is right and the other is wrong, but there is no universal truth. There is simply circumstances and sets of facts.

For example, the absolute worst job I ever had is the best job other people have had. I hadn’t thought about this place in some time until I started watching Game of  Thrones and realized that Joffrey reminded me a lot of my boss at my last job in Korea. I absolutely hated Kangnampride in part because my boss was a bully, and yet, there was another woman in my department who perfectly fine with this. She naturally gave him the unquestioning deference he demanded. To me, it was ridiculous. She was probably my polar opposite. She’s anti-feminist, anti-intellectual, anti-Semitic, highly dependent and very uncomfortable with making her own decisions and working independently.  In a situation like that, where the man insists on doing your thinking and you don’t have room to think, she was happy. It is apparently the best job she has ever had. She’s a customer service rep now and is really, really into her job. Customer service is a very highly supervised job with few real decision making opportunities.  I’m a law student specializing in trial advocacy who makes money on the side running small businesses and working with people to develop their own. The truth probably lies in the middle, and what you will believe about this place depends on which of us you could identify with more. [But I must add that I probably decided I hated that place when I stumbled upon a racist caricature of a Jewish man used to illustrate the word “greedy.” I don’t think that this was an innocent mistake of the corn-fed, because the name of the picture was greedyjew.jpg. I pretty much figured everyone there was my enemy when the reaction I got from them was laughter when I pointed this out. I have no desire to conform with or even make life easier for racists and haters.]

The Saturn aspect was having this horrible, shitty job and being stuck there for a year. The silver lining was learning that I would rather work for myself, and that if I continue to work in shitty jobs and depend on others to help me get a career going, I will never get closer to what I really want to do.  I also learned that the world will remain unfair unless we actively step in and do something. I can identify a shitty boss more easily now. I have not had a shitty boss since. My bosses have been pretty damned awesome since then, as I no longer overlook red flags in job interviews. The boomerang is that now that I haven’t had anything close to a traditional job since then, finding one when I had to was difficult, but also makes it easier to make fast money. Of course, as a law student, I’m going to have to take a more circuitous path than others because I’m old and unused to taking crap.

So yeah, right now, I’m having major Saturn transits. Saturn is also square my natal Saturn (the boomerang). What I did during my Saturn return is going to have some impact on me now. Saturn is also square my ascendant. These days, I’m not around people who see me in the best light; the light is hard and scrutinizing, and I am not measuring up. People are either expecting far more from me than they deserve, or expecting far less than I can deliver. Not that being underestimated is a new thing. This time around, I’m going to use this energy differently.

I’m going to use it to break free.