I passed the bar exam. I’m going to be a lawyer, officially, next month after I swear in. For the three years of law school and a few months after, Saturn was transiting my Sun, my chart ruler, and then my Midheaven. It was trial by labor. It fortified some things. It eroded others, and I learned much about the person I want to be in the world.
But it was a trial by labor. There was a lot I discovered. There was a lot I learned about my limitations (Saturn conjunct Sun), what kind of adult I was in the world (Saturn conjunct Midheaven), and how attainable my dreams and just how real my fears actually are (Saturn conjunct Neptune).
Now, it’s Jupiter conjunct my Midheaven, and my chart ruler, Neptune, conjunct my ascendant. Yes, there are days that feel like an opium dream, and days that feel like a hangover nightmare.
And as for Neptune: she’s not exactly what you want as a guiding star when you’re about to embark on a law career. Or a writing career. Or anything you may call a “career.” A vocation — that’s a different story, because that comes from god (of which I am also intensely ambivalent).
Then again, there is something very Neptunian about being a lawyer. I suppose there is something selfless about being a lawyer, because it really is all about someone else’s needs, regardless of your own, seeking oneness, resolution, dissolution, and peace. Then, there’s also being the scapegoat (because most people don’t actually know the law or what lawyers do, but think they do, and it’s sad and weird, but makes all the more vital to a healthy democracy, making it a sort of secret society) and being accused of witchcraft when you’re simply doing your job.
Then there is of course, the fact that we’re here to help people. Ultimately, that’s what we’re here to do. We make our society more free. We deal with an aspect of life they either don’t or can’t deal with. We put a lot on the line, sacrifice a lot, and many of us seek comfort in a bottle. Yeah, so lots of Neptune here.
So one of the reasons this blog is rarely updated is because I hate the “blocks” bullshit that WordPress forced me to write within. It makes it impossible for me to write spontaneously, when the muse calls me.
And she calls me.