So I get some very interesting google search terms that bring people to this blog, including ones I can’t ever recall actually discussing, so why not just write a blog post to answer a specific question?
This comes from an interesting google search term that brought someone to this blog. I still check those sometimes, you know. I figure I could just simply answer the question and see if this brings anyone back.
I don’t know the gender of the individuals involved, or the gender roles they play, but I’m under the assumption that this search was made by a cis woman who identifies as a woman and is wondering about getting a person who identifies as a man to chase her. This is my assumption. I could be wrong. However, I am doubtful that there’s a man trying to figure out what synastry aspects is going to motivate him to chase a woman.
But I’m going to tell you something before I even start writing:
If he doesn’t want you, he’s not going to chase you.
If he doesn’t tell people you’re his girlfriend, his partner, his bae, whatever term signifies your exclusivity, you’re not his girlfriend, his partner, his bae, etc., no matter what he says when you’re alone, and if you try to light a fire under his ass by leaving, that’s not going to create a place in his heart for you where none existed before…and honestly: do you really want to bore a hole in his heart with a guilt drill anyway?
If he’s interested, he’s going to make that clear.
If he even so much as gets a hint that you simply just want the ego boost of being chased, that shit’s gonna end very quickly.
If he’s not interested, leave him alone. Please. Just as you would think it’s creepy and a boundary violation for a guy to keep insisting after a woman has said no, you respect his boundaries, too.
And, last but not least: most of the time, you’re not in love, no matter how badly you want them.
But first, a PSA:
It’s all about HIS Mars.
After all, you’re asking about the chase, a part that isn’t actually necessary to begin a relationship but can certainly be a part of it.
His Mars MUST be activated in synastry in order to get him to chase anyone or anything. If none of her angles, points, or planets strongly aspect his Mars, there is no chase. Mars is our motivation and our assertiveness. It’s how we expressively put our energy out in the world to get what we want. While the Sun is our personality, the Moon our primal needs, Mercury our thoughts and the way we communicate, and Venus the way we love and experience pleasure, Mars is the way we deal with the material world, with other people, etc., to make sure all those other planets get what they need in a world in which we all must compete for what we want.
What if he has a weak Mars?
Then he probably won’t chase her or anything else. A completely debilitated Mars doesn’t have the drive and the confidence to pursue and risk loss and rejection. This doesn’t mean he’ll never find love, or that he will never become interested in a woman or anyone else sexually; it just means that he’s not inclined to enter the competition and the hunt of courtship, that he may be ill at ease with that sort of thing. He’s probably the type who develops feelings for someone he’s been friends with for a while or only when someone gives him a big flashing green light that he can’t ignore.
What if he has a very strong Mars?
Oi. They may be way too aggressive and too pigheaded, naturally.
Or, they may be gay if they have the Sun, Venus, and Mars all in the same sign (particularly in Aries, Scorpio, or the other fire signs where Mars is at home), so it’s not even a thing for you to worry about if you’re female.
It’s also possible that with a very strong Mars, they struggle to slow down and empathize with the target of their desires but also that they recover pretty quickly, meaning that if one woman says no, the next one might say yes, and that’s what makes all the difference to them. It could be that it’s the conquest that matters most.
However, some of these guys don’t pursue because they’ve grown to distrust their own raw, Martian energy. Some may funnel all this energy into one thing, like a career, instead of in romance, particularly if they have hard aspects between their natal Mars and Moon and/or Venus, finding romance to be their downfall or detriment. Or they feel that in order to have love, they have to give up their ambition. What works for them is to find someone with similar Martian energy (see below) who will be supportive of their Martian drive wherever it’s channeled.
A note on Pluto contacts:
When it comes to Mars in a man’s chart in these situations, you could drop in Pluto and get a similar effect EXCEPT that there can be intense, obsessive, and jealous undertones to the pursuit. He may pursue out of obsession or possessiveness, and he may come on too strong, too quickly, or be in shadow pursuit, stalking her online and gathering intel to figure out who he should be before he contacts her. He may be so over the top flirtatious that he turns into Pepe LePew, complete with a lack of interest in whether or not she’s receptive and a lack of self-knowledge as to how he she sees (and smells) him. On the other hand, if she’s receptive, it may be quite the seduction, but it is intense and without the playfulness of a Mars contact.
But rest assured, he will pursue in some form, just not necessarily overtly.
Oh, and unlike with Mars:
Pluto contacts can turn from love to hate pretty easily.
But Pluto contacts aren’t necessary though. It’s a generational planet. It’s the slowest moving “planet” we use in modern charts, staying in a sign about 21 years or so, and most of us are pursuing and being pursued by people in roughly the same generation. However, you may find that men of a certain age tend to find you particularly attractive, particularly a generation older or younger. If so, see if their Pluto makes a major aspect to your Venus.
For example, Boomer men always seem to have strong opinions of me, either really liking me or really not liking me if I disappoint them once. Their Pluto in late Leo or early Virgo would trine my Venus at 00 Capricorn. Older Gen X Men (guys in their late 40s/early 50s) and I have a love/hate relationship. Their Pluto in late Virgo/early Libra is square my natal Venus, and I’ve never had something go with someone in that age group.
The living Pluto in late Sagittarius/early Capricorn cohort are far too young for me to take notice of. Like, far too young, but perhaps when I’m 50, 25 year old men will notice me?
A note on Saturn contacts:
Saturn doesn’t chase per se, but put Saturn in place of Mars when it comes to men and you either have a man pursuing a woman because he wants to possess her, to teach her something, dominate her, or use her skills and talents or money (Venus traits) for his own gain and status. Saturn states its case and makes itself indispensable by being responsible, reliable, and the dad. However, if this is the basis of the pursuit, it ends up like other Saturn-based relationships: a marriage (if you’re into this particular thing), a business partnership, or slowly and surely crumbling into dust.
But Saturn contacts ARE important if this is a long-term thing, regardless of the chase. Even if they’re difficult, they’re important because they ground the relationship, create commitment, and give people a reason to stay even if they get bored or annoyed. Saturn is patient. Saturn waits. Saturn admires from afar. In fact, Saturn is the secret admirer of the zodiac. If he’s a Saturnian type – either a strongly placed Saturn or with strong Capricorn placements, like Sun or Mars in Capricorn or Saturn in the first house or conjunct the ascendant, the more important her approval is, the less likely he is to rush in and get her attention. In fact, he’s the kind of guy who may accidentally make her think that he doesn’t like her at all because he’s aloof, or he may shoot himself in the foot by trying to prove his worth by trying to show her that he’s better than she is in some way, making her feel bad, and then wondering why she’s avoiding him now that he’s supposedly proved his worth, not seeming to realize that he actually came off like he hates her rather than that he’s interested in her.
This has happened to all of us, and this Saturn’s way of pursuing:
Woman: Yeah, I like X.
Guy: Oh yeah? Name one X that fits under these very particular conditions only someone utterly obsessed with X would know or else you’re a liar.
Guy: (proceeds to go on at length in great detail about X, unprompted, and no one cares)
Guy (later on): Can I get your number?
Woman: What? No. Never talk to me again, in fact.
Guy: You led me on! All women are evil. All they want is a Chad who has no substance, no brains, and no interest in their well-being.
Woman: To be fair, “Chad” doesn’t do this shit.
And because no one owes someone like this a second chance, they have to eventually figure out from trial and error that being an asshole and treating people like shit doesn’t make them like you.
What about his Venus?
As far as pursuit goes, it’s helpful only in limited ways and not really motivating, and only if she is a reflection of his Venus, either in how she looks and carries herself (Ascendant) or because they have the same Venus, or because her Venus is in his 5th or 7th house AND there are other supporting factors.
You see, Venus doesn’t pursue — she waits for them to come to her. Do you know anyone like that, male or female, who is just naturally a magnet for the attention of the opposite sex? Venusian. Libra types, either by Sun, Moon, or rising sign, tend to find people naturally gravitating toward them. Venusian types who aren’t Libra types also find that people are drawn to them, albeit perhaps not with the same sense of ease as with Libra types. Even Venusian men don’t necessarily pursue a woman they want with great vigor unless they also have a lot of Martian energy; they just smile and flatter and flex and pose and let the women come to them.
Onto the chase:
HIS Mars conjunct HER Venus, but not the other way around (most of the time): While there’s always exceptions to the rule, his motivation, sex drive, and masculinity conjunct her love, beauty, and femininity will make him chase her, even in signs where Venus is hard to get, like Aries or Capricorn. The way he moves and puts himself out in the world when he’s doing things is attractive in her. This is perhaps the most obvious synastry aspect that tells you that a guy is going to pursue a woman and that he’ll likely do so in a way she’ll understand and accept. You can assume that her Venus will allow that Mars to come to her.
I.e. Mars in Aries flirts by arguing with Venus in Aries, like Benedick and Beatrice, or maybe Conan and Sonja, or all the other couples just like this that I can’t think of because it’s late and I can only search my memory for these two cultural references. But if you actually know these stories, you know that this works: they speak the same love language, and even if it doesn’t look like any sort of love language to anyone else, and there is actually a respect for the other’s strengths, which is always important no matter what signs Mars and Venus are in, but particularly here.
On the other hand, when it comes to Mars in Capricorn with Venus in Capricorn, it’s a quiet, respectful process that builds up as he waits for her to take down her wall by demonstrating to her in quiet ways that he wants her, but it is also a love language — a quiet one — that only the two of them speak fluently. For example, Wesley and Buttercup from the Princess Bride.
Why not the other way around? Because her Mars conjunct his Venus still means that she finds him sexy and attractive, but that she’s motivated to catch him. If she does chase him, if she does present the idea of relationship to him, he’s flattered, but he’s probably not going to let himself be won over. This is especially true with the cardinal and fixed signs…especially the fixed signs, and this is about what makes HIM chase HER.
Granted, there are exceptions to the rule. I give you her Mars conjunct his Venus in Aquarius for one as a situation in which she can win him over. Also, her Mars conjunct his Venus in Pisces is such a gentle chase that it’s more like a kitten that sees itself in the mirror the first time than a hunt.
However, since the search term was “what makes him chase her,” not “what makes her chase him,” then I don’t consider her Mars conjunct his Venus to apply here regardless.
But I’m thinking I should do an article about what would make a woman chase a man according to synastry. And maybe an article exploring what might make someone stalk another person…although by the time you have their birth data, you may have already accidentally unlocked the gates to crazy town.
His Sun conjunct her Venus: The woman reflects back to the man what he thinks is good in himself, and she likely does it all with more grace. She finds him naturally attractive in a wholesome, loving way, and her way of showing that, even if it’s just the look in her eyes, feels naturally and sincerely appreciative to him. She feels beautiful with him, and he wants to show her the best in himself, which she appears to readily see. This isn’t so much a “chase” aspect as it is a “naturally drawn to each other” aspect, and it’s friendly and not necessarily sexual. However, if this aspect is here and there is a supporting Mars planet, he will at least try to be friends with her.
Mars trine Mars (and sextile too): But trine is better. Her sexual energy is compatible with his sexual energy, and they don’t even really have to touch to know this. And it’s not just sexy, but the way their energy is as a whole. It’s not like a Sun trine Sun, which is friendlier: there is something much more visceral here, something carnal. He feels like his masculine energy is understood and that it arouses her.
Her Mars trine or sextile his Sun: His personality is similar to what she finds sexy in a man, and her energy is compatible with his overall personality. He finds her receptive to his masculinity and energy, and she understands and accepts this; she also feels at ease with herself around him and less like she needs to put up a front, which is inviting.
Why not conjunct? Well, that is sexy, right? And wouldn’t it be sexy if it’s her Sun conjunct his Mars? Yes, indeed. She will find him to be a reflection of her masculine nature and he’ll see a friend in her. The difference is that this keeps up the energy in a long-term relationship, but it’s not an aspect that makes him chase her unless he’s very insecure in his manhood, which means that he’s going after her to reassure himself, which doesn’t work well, because he’s trying to take from her what is rightfully her own.
His Venus trine or conjunct her Ascendant: She has the appearance of what he finds attractive. With the trine, she may not appear to be the exactly type he usually goes for, but nevertheless, he finds her attractive, and she holds his attention. This is almost always physical rather than somatic: something about the way she looks and carries herself inspires him to pursue her.
I find that this sort of aspect is the kind that works best when he’s looking for a relationship rather than a conquest; if he’s not looking for a relationship, he probably wouldn’t feel right pursuing her simply for sex.
However, this aspect is supportive only if there is a Mars intra-aspect between the charts. This piques his interest and makes him want to pursue, if he is so motivated.
His Eros aspecting her Ascendant, Sun, Moon, Venus, or Psyche: This is where his soul gets hooked. Even if he doesn’t find her physically attractive, even if she’s not otherwise attracted to him, he feels that he has to win her over. He’s very erotically attracted to her, even if he can’t rationalize it, even if he doesn’t otherwise find her attractive in other ways. It’s likely that he was involved with her in some way in a past life, and this sense of familiarity draws him toward her.
However, without a strong Mars intra-aspect, this may not be enough.
His Juno conjunct her Sun, Moon, Venus, Ascendant, Eros, Psyche: He sees her as an ideal wife, the kind of girl you bring home to Mom and Dad, even if he has no intention of doing so. She legitimizes him in some way.
Again, you need his Mars activated in the synastry for this to be a thing; otherwise, he may see her as the girl he’ll settle on once he’s done sewing his wild oats or when he’s tired of pursuing women he finds more attractive or motivating.
His Mars or Sun making a major aspect to her Moon: like with Venus, except there is more of a protective element to it. He may see her as someone vulnerable or child-like, no matter what her age, and feel a need to protect her, particularly from other men. However, with the square or opposition, it could thus mean he really wants to preserve her innocence, and the cognitive dissonance of wanting to preserve her purity while still wanting to have sex with her could drive him nuts and he deals with this by being unjustly angry with her.
Nodal contacts between his Sun and Mars or her Moon and Venus: Not so aggressive, and again, needing support from a Martian intra-aspect, but when his Sun or Mars contacts her Nodes, or her Moon or Venus contacts his Nodes, there is a desire to run to OR from the other, often at the same time. There’s a sense of ease and unease with each other and a sense that the other is needed that makes them find ways to be available to the other. Also, since this is karmic, they could even unconsciously or psychically pursue the other, possibly without even knowing. I.e., strange dreams including the other, bizarre coincidences, random chance meetings or uncanny near-misses.
Her Lilith in aspect to his Mars, Sun, Pluto, or Saturn: He pursues her out of an unconscious desire to get his manhood back. The wild woman in her has unwittingly stolen his masculinity — so he thinks — and to have her is to reunite with it. Granted, this is a Lilith contact, so chances are she wasn’t trying to do that in the first place, and she’s not going to give it back regardless, so he’ll just have to keep trying. However, if he feels emasculated without the possibility of redemption, he may lash out at her and blame her sexuality for his downfall. In an even less evolved guy, she may represent to him all the women he feels that he can’t get, women whom he thinks think that they’re too good for him. Even still, he can’t get her out of his head, because Lilith is all the things we want that the patriarchy tells us we shouldn’t want and should never try to have.
His Lilith in aspect to her Sun, Moon, Venus, or Ascendant: He projects his inner wild woman onto her and tries to live his Lilith vicariously through her or with her cooperation. It’s possible that he feels that she understands the dark feminine within him, and that she will be receptive to this energy of his, or that he will be able to subdue it if he subdues the woman through seduction, even though he actually wants her to resist his advances. Still, this needs a Mars contact before he’s going to get up from his chair.
Don’t want him? Here’s how to stop the chase almost immediately:
- As soon as possible, ask him for his birth time, date, and place, and tell him you need it to determine if you’re astrologically compatible before going any further.
- If he hasn’t run away yet — as he actually should — get angry with him when he wants to know why and what you’ve found.
- This works best if you’re not actually an astrologer and just plugging it into an app or compatibility program, because there’s fewer things more dehumanizing you can accomplish in mere minutes than that.
- Just tell him you’re not interested in a mature, firm way. Fuck whatever anyone else thinks. The less you worry about whether someone thinks you’re a nice person or not, the happier you’ll be.
- Seriously on the last sentence: the less you worry about whether anyone thinks you’re a nice person, the happier, saner, and healthier you’ll be. You know who is constantly worried about coming off as a “nice” girl or “nice” guy? Assholes. Rotten-to-the-core assholes. And that’s not you, right? And the only people who believe rotten-to-the-core assholes are fucking morons, and you don’t want a fucking moron in your life anyway, right?
This isn’t the end.
This is about pursuit, not about love. This isn’t even really about falling in love so much as it’s about him chasing her.
Falling in love is much more complex.
Falling in love can happen without any sort of pursuit.
Some men are happy to pursue women and would prefer to do so. It’s in their blood. But not all of them.
So, really if you want him to pursue you, the most important thing is to 1) let him do it, and 2) let him do it if he wants to do it, because trying to coerce him into chasing you is going to make him run away, and 3) it’s not really a pursuit if there’s no chance of you not being caught.
And there are women who hate being pursued, too.
The good news is that there’s more than two genders, gender roles are imaginary, and you can do whatever the fuck you want because love is a crazy thing full of possibilities, and everyone is different, and romance is inherently creative…