The astrologer is in...again.
Yes! The astrologer is finally (back) in!
I’m currently offering astrological services in three broad categories: astrocoaching, chart analysis, and sessions.
Astrocoaching: Astrocoaching is a support- and advice-driven service for those who have some background in astrology and want to use it as a guide. Maybe you need help deciding on which project to start, or maybe you just need someone to cheer on your craziest decision.This is a lot like life coaching, in that you know where you want to go or what you want the result to be, but you need an observer in your corner advising you or simply cheering you on to do things you dare. I use both predictive analysis, like solar returns, progressions and transits and natal analysis.
Chart analysis: This is what you may expect when you book a reading with an astrologer. The astrologer tells you what they interpret or predict based on a chart or set of charts. This would include readings such as vocational readings, medical readings, synastry, and a composite chart readings. I tell you what I see based on the charts, and you’re free to help steer the conversation, but the appointment itself begins with a broad focus as I work with the entire chart.
Sessions: A session differs from a reading in that 1) we can focus on a topic or particular topic, and 2) we have a discourse. You don’t have to speak astrologese to have a session, but you ought to want to work with me. I don’t believe in destiny, and I don’t think there’s only way to interpret the energy of a planet or aspect. Sessions are appropriate for just about any type of reading, but especially predictive horoscopes and relationship readings.
Why are you telling us this?
It’s easier to know what you’re expecting of me when you ask for a particular service. It also helps me figure out how to best approach the reading.
Ok, great. What do you need to know?
I need a birth date, birth time, and birth place for each person/each chart. Birth time estimates within an hour are okay, but it’s very difficult to give a precise reading without precise information.
You can tell me if there’s something in particular that you want to focus on. You can also ask me specific questions. You can ask for a specific type of chart reading. You can ask me to help you with a chart analysis.
What should I keep to myself?
What I’d prefer you didn’t do is name names or give me tons of backstory. It clouds my judgment. I’m a first house Aries Moon, and objectivity is not my instinct. What I like about astrology is that the stars don’t care about the ways we categorize ourselves here on Earth. I’d like to keep it that way by using my instinct to delve deeply into the charts to find the story there rather than in your explanation. After all — that’s what you’re looking for.
You don’t even have to give me your real name if you don’t want to, but I’m hesitant to refer to you by any weird nicknames, such as “Slappy” or “Master,” so something discreet and dignified is better.
I’d also prefer that you don’t ask me life-or-death questions, such as medical questions about very serious conditions, such as when you (or someone else) will die, or whether someone will survive a very serious medical condition.
I’d also prefer not to be asked about gambles, like upcoming lottery results or what your lucky numbers are.
A note about confidentiality:
I will keep your information confidential. I will only store any notes or charts for about a year after a reading unless we have an ongoing working relationship. I won’t share your information or your astrological charts with anyone…though I may ask your permission to use your chart WITHOUT any identifying information.
I am an attorney, but you and I don’t have an attorney/client relationship. You also can’t hire me as a lawyer. No part of the reading has attorney-client privilege. If you confess a murder, I can’t keep that confidential. However, if you tell me the details of the divorce you’re currently going through, that stays with me. If you tell me about a current medical diagnosis, or a scandalous family secret in which no one involved in the secret is in immediate danger, I will keep that to myself.
Can I record the reading?
Illinois is a two-party consent state. I will give you permission to record the reading provided that you let me know before the reading begins, but it’s for your use only; if you intend to distribute or post it elsewhere please ask me first.
Can you give me legal advice?
I can tell you when I think you should hire a lawyer. I can tell you not to take a certain course of action if in doing so, you will hurt yourself or others. I can tell you whether the armchair lawyer from Reddit is full of shit or not (99% of the time, they are). I can explain to you why standing in front of an elementary school, screaming your head off about nonsense, isn’t protected under the First Amendment.
I can help you determine the best time to sign contracts, file a lawsuit, or the like using predictive astrology.
But I can’t tell you whether you’ll win the lawsuit, even if I’m only reading the astrological chart, because legal advice creeps out anyway.
Do you do tarot/numerology/reiki/flower essences/remote healing/spells/runes/psychic readings or scans/mediumship/seances/something other than astrology?
No. I’m an astrologer. That’s what I do for other people. There’s lots of other practitioners who do those other things for other people.
You should consider it.
I’ll keep that in mind.
I’m pretty sure you’re psychic.
I knew you were going to say that.
About babies and small children:
I’m softening on my stance about astrological readings for the charts of babies and small children, but only to a certain degree.
I will do readings for babies and small children, but only to cover very broad topics, like personality, or for very specific questions.
These will be short sessions, a half hour to an hour, max.
I won’t do past life or karmic readings for babies and small children. Life will soon enough tell them what they’re lacking and need to fix, and it doesn’t need my help, nor do parents need to start looking at their child differently.
If you do want a reading for a baby or small child, please let me know how you got the birth time so my reading is as accurate as possible.
Is this spiritual? What of fate and destiny?
I guess it could be a spiritual experience. Some people would like to attribute astrological phenomenon to gods or higher powers. I’m an non-theist myself, and I don’t believe in karma as a law or the result of post-mortem spiritual wisdom. I don’t believe in fate or destiny. I don’t believe that the universe has some sort of inherent order we can perceive, or that it matters if there’s method in the madness so long as it looks as it looks from down here. I believe that all spiritual matters are the subjective experience of the individual, so you can relate to the phenomenon in any terms you want.
So, I can frame your reading any way that you want – acts of god or the consequences of chance, eternal souls or finite sentience, or trying to escape the cycle of samsara or seeing what else it has to offer before you evolve on.
If you are a magickal practitioner, witch, or the like, I can help you figure out what you want to manifest and how to go about doing it using your natal energy and the current astrological energies affecting us. As I said, I have no particular religious affiliation, and I am not particular on whether you take the Right Hand or the Left Hand path.
How will we have our appointments?
You can do a voice session or a video session. Your choice.
If you want a video session, we can talk via Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp, Zoom, and whatever. If you want a voice call, we can do that as well via phone or any of these apps.
Do I have to have a video session? Isn’t a video session better?
No, and in fact, for a lot of people who don’t live in a place with a strong Internet connection, a voice call is easier because it takes less bandwidth. Also, some people are shy, and some people don’t feel comfortable seeing their own little avatar staring back at them while on video conference, and some people just don’t want to get groomed and dressed and/or sit still for the session.
Some people also don’t want to stare at me while I stare at your chart and then back at you, and not everyone can handle a thrill like that.
You’re not offering written reports anymore?
Not anymore. I’ve never offered computer-generated reports, so I would sit down and look at a chart and then type away. They take a really long time, and they’re not interactive. While I always like getting follow-up and feedback, I’d rather that the conversation start while I’m working on the reading, not after.
The only written reports I offer are answers to Just One Question because they’re short, not terribly interactive, and I can answer you more quickly than I can with a full reading. I’ll usually put the answer in a response email to you instead of a .pdf, as I don’t think most people want to wait for me to make the answer pretty.
Oh. What’s Just One Question?
Just One Question is a specific, targeted question that I can answer from looking at your astrological chart.
For example, just one question would be like “Should I move to San Diego?” or “Do I have any in-born musical talent?” I can answer that pretty quickly as the answer is either “yes” or “no” and why.
Just one question is not something open-ended or complex, like “What careers would I be best at?” or “What is my karma in this life?”
Do I get a copy of my chart or charts?
If you want, sure. But ask me for them ahead of time so I remember.
How do I pay you?
Right now, I do Venmo, Paypal, Zelle, and Apple Pay. I’m setting up my cart soon.
Okay, so how do we do this?
Use the form below to contact me for a reading. Check the kind of reading you want and give me the following:
Birth date, Birth time, and birth place
A name to call anyone whose chart I have
Context, if necessary.
Once you submit the form, I will contact you about what sort of reading or appointment you’d like to have and what you hope to get out of it. We will then agree on a time and date to meet virtually or via phone. I will then send you an invoice for the services.
You pay the invoice AFTER the session.
What times are you available?
Right now, it’s evenings and weekends, and I’d like to schedule readings out a week or two in advance so I have enough time to gather the charts, analyze them, and absorb them.
Can I just get your help with a particular astrological chart that I’m having difficulty reading?
Sure. Choose “just one question” and send me the question. Note: this is $25 per question, as in one subject + one predicate, concise, specific yes-or-no questions.
But the economy sucks right now and I don’t have any cash. Can I still get a reading?
Yes! There’s a lot of work I need to do on this website and with this business in general and in life (I lack artwork, for example), and I find that a lot of the people who find my blog are very talented. So, if you have a skill, a talent (or perhaps some used equipment that still works well that would help someone who needs to start venturing into other forms of media), or some other good or service to barter, let’s talk. Just let me know down below.
Why don’t you do readings for free out of the kindness of your heart?
Because what I have to offer is valuable, and what is free for you costs me dearly. I don’t have all the time in the world, and I simply cannot take time away from my career, so “free” work is paid for with the time and the energy that I would otherwise use to maintain my sanity in these trying times. This is the time I need to decompress from the stress of my career, to take care of myself, to maintain my relationships, work on other things that are meaningful to me, or just rest. I also find that people who don’t exchange something of value for the work don’t respect the work, my effort, or my boundaries, and may not be careful to give me correct information.
And frankly, I wouldn’t even dream of trying to manipulate you to work for me for free by telling you my sob story.
But doing free readings will be sooooo great for your karma!