Astrology Services Are (Not) Back

The astrologer is in...again.

Yes! The astrologer is finally (back) in!

UPDATE: As of Pisces season 2022, all astrology sessions are on hiatus until further notice. I need time for other things, and I need astrology to be fun. I have a pretty demanding day job that is become more demanding lately, and I need time decompress when I have the chance.

There will still be blog updates from time to time, but if you’re still interested in a session, you can always email me and I can contact you as soon as those are available again.

I’m currently offering astrological services in three broad categories: astrocoaching, chart analysis, and sessions.

Astrocoaching: Astrocoaching is a support- and advice-driven service for those who have some background in astrology and want to use it as a guide. Maybe you need help deciding on which project to start, or maybe you just need someone to cheer on your craziest decision.This is a lot like life coaching, in that you know where you want to go or what you want the result to be, but you need an observer in your corner advising you or simply cheering you on to do things you dare. I use both predictive analysis, like solar returns, progressions and transits and natal analysis.

Chart analysis: This is what you may expect when you book a reading with an astrologer. The astrologer tells you what they interpret or predict based on a chart or set of charts. This would include readings such as vocational readings, medical readings, synastry, and a composite chart readings. I tell you what I see based on the charts, and you’re free to help steer the conversation, but the appointment itself begins with a broad focus as I work with the entire chart.

Sessions: A session differs from a reading in that 1) we can focus on a topic or particular topic, and 2) we have a discourse. You don’t have to speak astrologese to have a session, but you ought to want to work with me. I don’t believe in destiny, and I don’t think there’s only way to interpret the energy of a planet or aspect. Sessions are appropriate for just about any type of reading, but especially predictive horoscopes and relationship readings.

Why are you telling us this?

It’s easier to know what you’re expecting of me when you ask for a particular service. It also helps me figure out how to best approach the reading.

Ok, great. What do you need to know?

I need a birth date, birth time, and birth place for each person/each chart. Birth time estimates within an hour are okay, but it’s very difficult to give a precise reading without precise information.

You can tell me if there’s something in particular that you want to focus on. You can also ask me specific questions. You can ask for a specific type of chart reading. You can ask me to help you with a chart analysis.

What should I keep to myself?

What I’d prefer you didn’t do is name names or give me tons of backstory. It clouds my judgment. I’m a first house Aries Moon, and objectivity is not my instinct. What I like about astrology is that the stars don’t care about the ways we categorize ourselves here on Earth. I’d like to keep it that way.

So, if you’re kind of a big deal, and/or you’re sending me charts of people who are kind of big deals, don’t give me anyone’s names or give me identifying information, like the names of things they’re attached to or known for.

I’d also prefer that you don’t ask me life-or-death questions, such as medical questions about very serious conditions, such as when you (or someone else) will die, or whether someone will survive a very serious medical condition.

A note about confidentiality:

I will keep your information confidential. I will only store any notes or charts for about a year after a reading unless we have an ongoing working relationship. I won’t share your information or your astrological charts with anyone without your permission.

I am an attorney, but you and I don’t have an attorney/client relationship. You also can’t hire me as a lawyer. No part of the reading has attorney-client privilege. If you confess a murder, I can’t keep that confidential. However, if you tell me the details of the divorce you’re currently going through, that stays with me. If you tell me about a current medical diagnosis, or a scandalous family secret in which no one involved in the secret is in immediate danger, I can keep that to myself.

Can I record the reading?

Illinois is a two-party consent state. I will give you permission to record the reading provided that you let me know before the reading begins.

Also, if you have permission to record, you can share the reading if you wish, but once you break confidentiality, I’m no longer obligated to maintain confidentiality.

Can you give me legal advice?


C’mon. Please?



I can tell you when I think you should hire a lawyer. I can tell you not to take a certain course of action if in doing so, you will hurt yourself or others. I can tell you whether the armchair lawyer from Reddit is full of shit or not (99% of the time, they are). I can explain to you why standing in front of an elementary school, screaming your head off about nonsense, isn’t protected under the First Amendment.

I can help you determine the best time to sign contracts, file a lawsuit, or the like using predictive astrology.

But I can’t tell you whether you’ll win the lawsuit, even if I’m only reading the astrological chart, because legal advice creeps out anyway.

About babies and small children:

I’m softening on my stance about astrological readings for the charts of babies and small children, but only to a certain degree.

I will do readings for babies and small children, but only to cover very broad topics, like personality, or for very specific questions.

These will be short sessions, a half hour to an hour, max.

I won’t do past life or karmic readings for babies and small children. Life will soon enough tell them what they’re lacking and need to fix, and it doesn’t need my help, nor do parents need to start looking at their child differently.

If you do want a reading for a baby or small child, please let me know how you got the birth time so my reading is as accurate as possible.

Is this spiritual? What of fate and destiny?

I guess it could be a spiritual experience. Some people would like to attribute astrological phenomenon to gods or higher powers. I’m an atheist myself, and I don’t believe in karma as a law or the result of post-mortem spiritual wisdom. I don’t believe in fate or destiny. I don’t believe that the universe has some sort of inherent order we can perceive, or that it matters if there’s method in the madness so long as it looks as it looks from down here. I believe that all spiritual matters are the subjective experience of the individual, so you can relate to the phenomenon in any terms you want.

So, I can frame your reading any way that you want – acts of god or the consequences of chance, eternal souls or finite sentience, or trying to escape the cycle of samsara or seeing what else it has to offer before you evolve on.

If you are a magickal practitioner, witch, or the like, I can help you figure out what you want to manifest and how to go about doing it using your natal energy and the current astrological energies affecting us. As I said, I have no particular religious affiliation, and I am not particular on whether you take the Right Hand or the Left Hand path.

How will we have our appointments?

If you want a video session, we can talk via Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp, Zoom (but I’m really fucking tired of Zoom right now), and whatever. If you want a voice call, we can do that as well. I’ll likely use Google Voice or another app since my cell phone reception has gotten worse since I moved and since Sprint merged with T-Mobile.

I wish it were a conspiracy.

You’re not offering written reports anymore?

Not anymore. I’ve never offered computer-generated reports, so I would sit down and look at a chart and then type away. They take a really long time, and they’re not interactive. While I always like getting follow-up and feedback, I’d rather that the conversation start while I’m working on the reading, not after.

Do I get a copy of my chart or charts?

If you want, sure.

How do I pay you?

Right now, I do Venmo, Paypal, Zelle, and Apple Pay.

Okay, so how do we do this?

Use the form below to contact me for a reading. Check the kind of reading you want and give me the following:

Birth date, Birth time, and birth place

A name to call anyone whose chart I have

Context, if necessary.

Once you submit the form, I will contact you about what sort of reading or appointment you’d like to have and what you hope to get out of it. We will then agree on a time and date to meet virtually or via phone. I will then send you an invoice for the services.

You pay the invoice AFTER the session.

What times are you available?

Right now, it’s evenings and weekends, and I’d like to schedule readings out a week or two in advance so I have enough time to gather the charts, analyze them, and absorb them.

Can I just get your help with a particular astrological chart that I’m having difficulty reading?

Sure. Choose “just one question” and send me the question. Note: this is $25 per question, as in one subject + one predicate, concise, specific yes-or-no questions.

For example, just one question would be like “Should I move to San Diego?” or “Do I have any in-born musical talent?” I can answer that pretty quickly.

Just one question is not something open-ended or complex, like “What careers would I be best at?” or “What is my karma in this life?”

But the economy sucks right now and I don’t have any cash. Can I still get a reading?

Yes! There’s a lot of work I need to do on this website and with this business in general, and I find that a lot of the people who find my blog are very talented. So, if you have a skill, a talent (or perhaps some used equipment that still works well that would help someone who needs to start venturing into other forms of media), or some other good or service to barter, let’s talk. Just let me know down below.