To everyone who is about 40 - 42 years old right now: You're not the worst person in the world, you don't deserve to be alone, and if you still haven't figured out what it is you're on Earth to fix, you still have time to figure it out. Thanks.
I’m tired of mourning. This is work, and the more work I do, the more work I discover has to be done. I had to go back to work full time because I can’t afford to stay on bereavement even though I could really use the time to sort his affairs. But that is loss … Continue reading One Month Plus In
Numb is a good word. It’s been two and a half weeks since Ricky died, and I am embarking on the long business of wrapping up his life, wrapping up our life. If were able, I would take this slowly, but as it is, my lease ends on June 30, and there’s a lot of … Continue reading Grieving, Post-Quarantine
I am not crying all the time. I am not cycling through my emotions so rapidly. I am not as dysfunctional as I was a few days ago, but I am aware that I have anxiety over strange things. I know I don’t have to be vigilant all the time, so I’m making myself not … Continue reading Grieving in Quarantine: Day 10
So he’s not coming back. I understand this intellectually, as this is the longest we have ever been apart, and I have spent seven days in my apartment without seeing him, without hearing him, without sending him a text message from the bathroom and him getting annoyed about it. I am not asking him what … Continue reading Grieving in Quarantine: Day 7